As I prepare for my six week trip home to Canada, this last week has been full of finishing things that “need” to get done. I busy myself by cleaning this and fixing that, generally doing things in one week that I have put off for months!! I have visited with favourite people and participated in favourite activities. I filled my schedule with all the things that I love and that I am going to miss!
This morning, like every morning, the sun blazed into my bedroom and I thought, “Oh, I am going to really miss waking up here, only two more mornings left.” Then I felt this sadness and grief sweep through me. And it occurred to me that all week I have had moments where I thought of missing something or someone and now the emotions are gaining intensity.
With the sun heating my skin, I feel my heart beat faster with anxiety, my breathe is shallow and then I hear myself say, “I don’t like saying goodbye. I am going to miss everything so much!”
All of the sudden I realize that “I don’t like saying goodbye” also means, “I don’t want to let go”. I lay there feeling the fear of the unknown and simultaneously feel a growing awareness and trust build inside of me. My heart is beating slower, my breathe a little deeper. Instead of busying myself today, I am going to pay attention to pay attention to each moment for what it is and not miss it!